Even the most wounded heart allows for repair
But not if the cost is yet another betrayal
Not if there is cost at all
Meeting between beings is a gift to both
We share in connection and love
As souls facing each other
Not actuaries tallying up
Debt
Care is not responsibility nor obligation
But there is no responsibility without care
Care is attention, presence, patience
Becoming aware
Of what's coming alive within and between
My need is my gift to you and your need is your gift to me
(Thank you Marshall Rosenberg)
Nothing stands still and you could never fulfil
That which is not dynamic
Promises do nothing for old wounds
Nothing, but serve as reminders
Of what never came to be
Past and present meet in the heart
But the future is only in between
What are you nurturing in your heart
To carry to tomorrow?
Are you letting sorrow deform and diminish?
Are you present with your sadness, emptiness, the too much and not enough
Is this destruction within you creative or a burden?
Can you really tell the difference?
With more and more and more to carry
Is it crushing? Is it breaking you open?
Is it a place where possibility finds timid, perhaps
but
new beginnings nonetheless
What will unfold tomorrow?
Hope and promise
Are not found
In a desert oasis
On a rock face
In a hidden crevice
Carving life out of nothing
In harsh and austere conditions
(Though one will find flowers and I’m sure, a fair bit of despair)
Grief, remorse, regret, rage, hatred
Which one of these do you truly feel?
When you look around at the excruciating beauty
and
horrors
beyond comprehension
To truly accept
Means to receive
Whatever is given
With an open mind and heart, not resentment and betrayal of one's need
I used to try to make time stop
But time is something I inhabit
It's not mine to have
Perhaps time has me?
I'm tired of these nouns
Too categorical
Give me verbs and ambiguity
Intentional shifting
Inhabiting, sensing, perceiving
Living -
Unburdening continues
Freeing, not discarding, not erasing, not replacing
(I stumbled into category yet again)
Life does not admit yes or no answers
Maybe paradox demands it?
Living will not suffer impositions
But freedom doesn't mean free of care
And
Trust requires presence, patience, connection.
Repair that which wants to be repaired
Let go of that which doesn't.
And only a gentle holding of
that which matters
(no painting for this one, yet)
Lovely reflections.